Gnomes Celebrate Christmas While Corn Ruins Your Engine

I found this fantastic book called A Gnome’s Christmas, illustrated by one of Holland’s most popular artists Rien Poortvliet. You can buy it on Amazon if you have any gnome lovers on your list and have not finished your shopping for the holidays. In this book, you’ll find tidbits about how gnomes celebrate Christmas.

Did you know Christmas lasts the whole month for gnomes?

It seems they’ve combined the best attributes of Hanukkah and Christmas to make their holiday a month long celebration of giving and thanks. A gnome’s Christmas extends from the arrival of Sinterklaas on December 6th to the jocular exchanges of Edda Night on January 6th. On December 6th, Sinterklaas and his assistant Little Piet ride a huge white horse across the land where they visit each and every gnome brother and sister. Good gnomes get treats from the sack.

Apparently, according to stories I’ve read, there really aren’t any bad gnomes, so everyone gets a gift. A neighborly mole, chipmunk or shrew takes the role of Little Piet each year.

Because gnomes are nocturnal, actual Christmas celebrations begin on the eve of December 25th each year. It is their most beloved night because this is the night of Christmas Rounds. Read more about Christmas Rounds in next week’s issue.

Ah, the simplicity of a gnome Christmas is so appealing to me right now. From now through the January 8th issue of The Weeding Gnome, I’ll be shedding light and insight into gnome holiday traditions.

I have also discovered a very cool place to buy some hand painted gnomes. My dad and step mom, from Charleston, S.C. got me this really cool carved gnome for Christmas. It came from a local carver named Jim Shore, from rural South Carolina. Visit his website if you need some last minute gifts for the holidays.

Once our new gnome decides on a home, I’ll send a picture. He’s beautiful.

Just in case you were waiting with baited breath to see if I actually did paint those Osage oranges read and cover them in sprinkles…I did. I have pictures to prove it. I also found some northern catalpa (Catalpa speciosa) seedpods that were a super cool addition to my front door wreath.

As you can see from the pictures, I went a little Whoville on the herb garden. I had some extra Osage oranges that I speared onto hibiscus stems that were painted red. It really looks like Cindy Loo Who lives here.

I love it!

Now onto the power of corn…

“In corn, I think I’ve found the key to the American food chain. If you look at a fast-food meal, a McDonald’s meal, virtually all the carbon in it – and what we eat is mostly carbon – comes from corn.” ~ Michael Pollan

A few e-letters back I talked a lot about corn and how bad I feel it is for our health and our bodies. Now, corn has ruined my week, so I’m really mad!

Once last week and two times the week before, our car stalled, while driving. Scary, right?

I took the car in for service on Monday, which is always a good time. Getting a loaner, remembering to take the car seats, sunglasses, phone plug and whatever else from the car they are taking away because you have a feeling it might be “a while”. Getting in a loaner in the middle of H1N1 flu season is always fun for me too. I don’t want to touch anything for fear the last person who drove it surely had the virus. For some reason, I don’t think about this stuff when I rent a car on a business or family trip, but I do with loaners from the dealer. I find them creepy.

They fixed the problem. It took 2 days. The culprit…CORN.

Apparently, BP gas, which is most convenient for us in Baltimore since there are few other choices, contains the highest level of ethanol. You know the stuff the US government is trying to make mandatory by such-and-such a date? The revolutionary “green” alternative fuel they’ve invented to use up all of that surplus corn they’ve (we’ve) paid for?

Well, my friends, that very “green” fuel gunked up the solenoids in my car and caused the stalling.

Are they kidding me? I was told BP is good gas. Maybe I heard wrong. The repair technician says Shell, Texaco and Citgo are best because they have lower proportions of ethanol. So…these are the bad guys who are still making “regular” gas, right?

Here I thought I was doing good by using more ethanol, even thought I know there are better options for “green” fuels – it’s the best option we have in the US right now. Now I go completely out of my way each time I need gas to buy traditional fuel because they told me it will gunk up my car’s engine and they will not cover it under warranty if it happens again. How the heck will we ever be able to use biofuels if the first so-called benign, alternative fuel is wrecking the engines?

Who’d a thunk? That being said, corn has risen to the TOP of my nemesis list.

Don’t get me wrong, I love, love, love corn on the cob in the summer time. My family gets tired of eating it, but in Maryland, you can’t beat the sweet corn. Even my supportive, willing to eat anything husband hits the corn wall in August when he can’t eat anymore. Not me. There’s nothing like it in the Midwest (I can attest to that after living there for 3 years). I would eat corn on the cob every night and day while it is in season, if I could. It’s my favorite. I‘d rank sweet corn from Maryland right up there with vine-ripened tomatoes. I refuse to eat corn on the cob or tomatoes the rest of the year because they taste so yucky.

But…I’m really starting to HATE corn.

Now, onto my next nemesis… Newman. Ha-ha. I have to throw in a Seinfeld reference once in a while for my fellow Gen X readers. What I really despise more and more are really popular, yet invasive plants. Corn reminds me of an invasive plant. It’s something we really need to stop growing, yet so many people are depend on it for their livelihood.

Take Hedera helix, for example.

I was disheartened to see a house up the street that just sold had someone plant a brand new crop of ivy plugs in the same spot that they paid (a lot, I’m sure) to have a landscape company remove 50 years worth of ivy that was taking over their house and every tree on the property. Ugh… and double ugh.

What were they thinking and which self-proclaimed expert landscape company convinced them this was the solution?

I wish someone would suggest something else. Take barenworts (Epimedium sp.), for example. They are so tough, they can take drought and poor soil, they spread, but you can control them and they have the most beautiful spring flowers and winter color. Who wouldn’t love them?

I suppose they are a bit more expensive than ivy, but we are working on that with two new selections that were found in the garden of Dr. Richard Lighty, former Director of the Mt. Cuba Center. Dr. Lighty observed these two fantastic selections in his garden for many years before deciding they were worthy of introduction. Epimedium ‘Purple Pixie’ and Epimedium ‘Conalba’ Alabaster™ are being introduced through a parternship between Plants Nouveau and The Conard-Pyle Co.

Plants Nouveau in cooperation with Holtex Enterprises is working on some new propagation and growing protocols that will make growing these plants much cheaper for the grower.

Epimediums are traditionally a two to three year crop. Since they take so long, they are expensive. The liners or divisions are expensive to start with and then they still take too dang long to finish into a saleable plant.

We hope to have these protocols in place by 2011 to ensure grower success and profits that will be passed along to consumers as an incentive to try something other than ivy and other invasive woodland groundcovers.

Until next week…

Happy Weeding.

Angela Treadwell Palmer
President, Plants Nouveau

P.S. Following in the tradition of Gnomes (which sold one million copies), The Complete Gnomes, and The Secret Lives of Gnomes, A Gnome’s Christmas is the latest study on the lives and cultural habits of gnomes. Detailing their love of the Christmas season, this delightful book features songs, stories, games, and recipes for holiday treats, as well as captivating artwork by celebrated artist Rien Poortvliet. Including a special holiday ornament, A Gnome’s Christmas is a must-have for gnomeophiles and Christmas fans of all ages.